I am sure we would all agree that happiness is a valuable commodity sought after by most people. But I believe that when most people are asked what brings happiness most citizens of western developed countries would provide a litany of expected answers.

Examples would include money, good looks, successful career, athletic prowess or social popularity.

With the advent of social media the happiness formula now includes the number of “likes” or followers on the ever expanding internet platforms.

Most people would agree with the above and not give it a second thought. However, if you queried myself and other mental health professionals you would find our answers disillusioning.

None of the attributes listed above bring true happiness. We have seen individuals with untold wealth and all the possessions that wealth brings who are on a never-ending quest for happiness.

Then there was the son a well-to-do businessman who went on to become a star athlete for an ivy league college and get accepted into a top tier medical school only to drop out before the end of the first year.

Or the individual who appears to be a member of a perfect “leave it to beaver” family who is never satisfied in life and tries to find happiness in all the wrong places.

So what does it mean when all the usual boxes are checked and happiness is not the expected outcome? Maybe it means that it is best to reconsider the concept itself.

Perhaps happiness is an intangible entity. That it may be more a process than a commodity that can be defined by dollars, appearance or intelligence.

The individual who has learned how to navigate the good, bad and ugly of day to day life may be able to lay claim to the process of happiness. It may be no more complicated than being able to manage the bad stuff that life hands us.

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The idea that happiness consists of singing “zip-a-dee-doo-dah” every day ignores the reality of what life is all about.

• If happiness represents a dynamic process how can it be developed?
• Can it be a learned phenomenon?
• What can we do to enhance our ability to be happy?

All these questions require a deeper dive into this concept we call happiness.

It is my contention that the ability to be happy is linked to being content and satisfied. Contentedness is an active process, a true work in progress.

It requires that a bad day can be recognized as nothing more than a bad day. We all experience them. One cannot escape those days full of disappointment and negative life events.

Those of us that can say to ourselves “tomorrow is another day” learn to shrug off such days.

Unfortunately, many individuals get stuck in the bad days and begin to subsequently anticipate more bad days.

They have developed a learned helplessness and if not careful can slide into a victim’s role and life becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

We cannot discuss happiness without considering the power of positive thinking. To be a positive person is not like flipping a switch.

Fortunately, we are all born with brains that have the capacity to be positive, future oriented and lighthearted.

Early life experiences can dull the luster of this ability. If one is raised in a family of origin where negativity and criticism abounds it is a difficult task entering adulthood with a belief that the world is an okay accepting place.

If one is lucky enough to be raised by parents that reinforce the belief in our value as a human being we will have a head start coming out of childhood; that our self worth is inherent and not based on appearance, athletic ability or achieving all A’s in school.

If we have a solid sense of our self worth then it is easier to have a positive outlook.

Positive thinking is a long sought goal for most people.

There are numerous self-help books written on the subject promoting various techniques to improve positivity. But the challenge of positive thinking lies in the concept of “self talk”.

Self talk refers to the constant inner dialog we all have day to day. People are amazed when asked to directly pay attention to what their conscious thinking focuses on.

Most of the time we are not that aware of the thoughts circulating in our heads.

And we would be doubly troubled by the amount of self negative and self critical thinking that goes on. It is the self negativity that interferes with any chance for positive thinking to rise to the surface.

Are we born with this self negative thinking process?

I very much doubt it. I believe that we are born with a brain with the ability to subsequently develop our own unique thinking style. So for the most part our life experiences shape this process over time.

Now the good news. It is possible to retrain one’s thought processes. It takes time and effort. The first challenge is to recognize the presence of one’s unique thinking style.

It is as if we have to develop the ability to alert ourselves to this self talk. Only after being able to realize the presence of such thinking can one work on changing it.

Learning how to push away such negative thinking is the goal.

It requires the recognition that this thinking was shaped by life experience when we did not know better. That we were passive sponges absorbing this style of thought.

Once we come to believe that such thinking does not truly represent who we are we can begin to try to negate and discard it.

When negative self talk ceases one is left with either neutral thoughts or even positive thoughts. Being free of the negativity opens up an entire new set of self talk.

Most of us need to believe that our day to day life experience has meaning and value. The ability to state to oneself that we have value often requires the presence of meaningfulness.

As suggested above, wealth, good looks or athletic success only provides meaningfulness and value that is fleeting. Meaningfulness can be found in friendships, religious involvement, satisfying careers, artistic pursuits and contributing to the greater good of society.

This requires that meaningfulness becomes a component of daily life. Social isolation, lack of structure and the absence of passion in what we do contributes to the erosion of meaningfulness.

It would be wonderful if we could inherit happiness. We can inherit wealth but as suggested it does not automatically lead to happiness.

But we can plant the seeds necessary for its growth. It requires an active process and a belief in the value of our humanity.