Personal myths are ubiquitous. We all come out of childhood with our own unique complement of myths. What is a myth? A myth is nothing more than a false belief and in some cases an entire file cabinet of notions that are untrue. But there is a hitch; the myth holder is totally unaware of the invalidity of his/her myth(s)! So many of us go through our lives without the slightest insight that many of our core beliefs and self-concepts are in fact unsupported by objective evidence. I cannot overemphasize the criticality of this concept, for much of the thinking, behavior and emotions that make up what we call the human psyche stem from the influence of these false beliefs. In fact, the goal of psychotherapy is to help one identify maladaptive thinking and behavior; that is, to unmask and then hopefully discard our mythology.

Perhaps I can help clarify this concept by telling a story. We all remember the story of Cinderella. As you recall, Cinderella gets prince charming and goes off with him into the sunset. What most of us don’t know is that there is a sequel, Cinderella part two. The scene opens with the Prince visibly upset, pulling his hair out and lamenting over what has become of his bride, Cinderella. The camera then zooms in to show an unhappy Cinderella dressed in rags mopping the floor of their castle’s dining room. Enter the Prince. “Cinderella, what is wrong, why are you so sad. After all, you live in a nice house, I’m a nice guy and the villagers love you. What more do you want?” to this Cinderella answers, “I don’t know what’s wrong, I just can’t be happy no matter how much I try. I don’t deserve to be wearing the finest clothes and be waited on by our servants.” Continuing to be frustrated by this change in his bride, the Prince listened to his advisors and took Cinderella to a therapist. After a time, Cinderella began to gain insight into her thinking and behavior. She came to realize that her childhood with her evil stepmother and stepsisters had traumatized her beyond anyone’s imagination. She was forced to be the family slave, sweeping floors, cooking meals, and wearing hand-me-down rags. She was a child at the time and was not able to reality test and recognize the trauma victim she had become. So she came out of her childhood with the belief system that she did not deserve to be happy or to experience a life of privilege. “I’m not worthy” was her mantra. Although this was the reality of her childhood it certainly did not have to be repeated in the world that she found herself in with Prince charming. This insight helped some, but she was not able to completely discard her personal mythology (and therefore her maladaptive behaviors) until she dealt with the powerful emotions that she kept hidden for years. The rage and anger that welled up inside of this abused child but could not be expressed out of pure survival instincts. In addition, children don’t necessarily know better and accept their life experience as reality even if it was so different from her peers. Successful recovery and the ability to accept her new role as a Princess and wife and who was loved and valued required that she allow herself to experience these painful emotions without believing that she would be punished.

This parable points out another key component of our mythology. Our myths at one point may have represented reality; realities that we did not necessarily choose or plan for. The beliefs that are generated by such painful life experiences will develop a life of their own and persist as our reality until they are challenged and become recognized as myths. The young child caught up in his/hers parents’ messy divorce will often come away from this experience with the painful but real belief that they were the cause of their parents’ break up and divorce. The child truly does not know better. The young child is not able to process the life experience the way an adult would and successfully reality test the situation. An adult mind would realize that the divorce was the result of parental difficulties and had little if nothing to do with their children.

So where do we go from here? The more I meet with people in my profession the more I have come to believe that the real challenge of adulthood is to identify our myths and learn how to debunk them. Hold on to the past realities that shape our present belief systems. Throw away the beliefs that either represented the misinterpretation or misperception of our past, or reflected a painful reality that no longer exists in our current world. Debunking our mythology is liberating. A journey that is enlightening. Enjoy your journey.

If you have any questions about the content of this article or would like to set up an appointment with Delray Beach, Fl Psychiatrist, Dr David A Gross call 561-496-1281 oremail us today.